Ramblings, Rants and Reactions

No More Pencils, No More Books

2010-04-22T11:00:00.000-07:00

My older kid is old enough to start preschool in the fall, as he's turning 4 next month. He's always been a bit of a high strung boy, and doesn't do well in new situations with new people. If I could create a school with all of his friends from playgroup in it, and nobody else, it'd be fine. We actually tried a school last year that allowed kids in at age 2...it worked fine at first, when I could stay with him, but he really freaked out when it was time for me to leave him there. He's never really been away from us, and his only babysitter has been his grandma. Perhaps being with him so much (we even co-slept with him, unwillingly, for 3 years) was a mistake, since he has trouble separating.

Anyway, this has led me to think about homeschooling with him. At least for preschool and kindergarten. I can't decide if it's a good idea or not. In a way, I figure these are the "grades" that I should try it out, as it's no big loss if I can't manage it (I'll admit that I lack the patience gene). I've been doing some research and there's actual curriculum you can purchase, or you can get free ideas on various homeschooling and educational websites. On the other hand, there's a lot of info suggesting that following curriculum for kids this age is a huge mistake, and you should just continue doing the normal parenting stuff (books, talks, crafts, walks, outside play).

I'm really torn about what to do. We have a nice little group of friends, so he would still have social time with them (although it'd be less, since most of them will be going to school during the day). I'd find some classes for him to try out at the community center, maybe art and/or a sport.

With my daughter, who's currently 2 1/2, I don't worry so much. She's incredibly outgoing, social and fearless. I think our big problem with her is she'll be "too social" during study time.

I have to admit that part of me likes the idea of developing their education. With the recent Texas school board idiocy regarding text books, and the Christianization of our schools, I truly worry about the bullshit my kids will hear when they start attending. Plus, both kids are very curious, and I hate how traditional schools stifle individuality (not to mention discourage dissent and questions from kids).

This parenting gig's hard.

A Surprising Reminder

2010-03-31T13:13:00.000-07:00

My family took a three day trip to one of my favorite places, Long Beach, WA. It was our first real "vacation" with the kids, one that involved a hotel stay (which is its own special hell, let me tell you). We spent that time shopping, checking out little stores, having ice cream, finding awesome fresh seafood in every restaurant (halibut for breakfast? Oh yeah!), visiting museums, digging in the sand, running from the waves, and hiking to some lighthouses.

The lighthouses bring me to my startling revelation. We visited North Head Lighthouse and Cape Disappointment Lighthouse, both with amazing views of the ocean. Cape Disappointment is the most exciting, as you can see the point where the Columbia River empties into the Pacific Ocean. It's incredible. It also involves a one mile hike (roundtrip) with fairly steep hills and somewhat rough terrain through the woods. A little side note here, my kids did AWESOME. We were worried they'd be whining and complaining all the way back and need to be carried. Not so, they loved it!

Anyway, as we completed this hike, I realized something...These were steep hills, and I could do it! I've had a really hard time lately with stalled weight loss. In fact, it's been at least 6 months since I've been successfully losing, though I have maintained what I lost early last year. The week before the trip, I focused very hard on my workouts and what I ate and had a one pound loss (I'm happy with one pound in a week). Still, the back and forth lately, up a pound, down a pound, have gotten me down. Depending on any given weigh-in, my total loss so far has been 30-34lbs.

So, we're hiking these hills, and I'm carrying all the coats and such, and I'm just sweating a bit. I realize I'm not out of breath, I'm not gasping for air, I'm not red as a tomato from exertion, I'm able to talk to my family. I'm not in horrible shape!!!! A year ago, I wouldn't have been able to do this so easily! When I was 30 (or 34) pounds heavier, and rarely exercised, this walk would have killed me. I would have had to rest up top for 20 minutes to head back. I wouldn't have been able to keep talking to my kids and telling them to stay on the path.

I'm keeping this in mind as I head back to work on my plan. Even though it's so incredibly slow going and frustrating right now, I can't forget how far I've come. Changing who I am is a long and hard process, and sometimes I need these reminders of what I've accomplished so far.

The Good (Married) Life

2010-03-17T06:15:00.000-07:00

Awhile back, one of my sisters had a Facebook status that said something along the lines of, "With so many men out there to date, why would a person want to settle down with just one?" My first thought was, "Lunatic. Who wants to deal with dating? It was a pain in the ass!" I still think that, but I had another thought yesterday that made me realize what it is about marriage that I think is so great. There are the obvious reasons: Being with the person you love for the rest of your life, having support (both emotional and financial), raising a family, etc. I believe all of those things, but there's something else.

There's a house that my husband and I pass everyday when I'm taking him to the park and ride. In their very long driveway is a tractor-trailer with the word "Hoss" attached in huge letters to the front. Whether it's the name of the truck or its driver, we're not sure. Either way, we've taken to following the story of Hoss. We imagine that's the driver's nickname, and when he's gone for long stretches at a time, we're sad for his wife and family. When he returns we're giddy with happiness, "Hoss is back!" Obviously we don't know these people, and have no idea what the story/situation is. However, it's become our "thing," something we talk about and find amusing and entertaining. Other people wouldn't get it.

And that's why marriage is so great. Having someone who knows all of your inside jokes, can understand why something's funny or sad or confusing just by hearing a word or seeing a particular facial expression. This person's got your back, and that's a nice feeling. I hope Hoss and his Mrs. Hoss feel the same way.

This Isn't Acting 101. Cut the Drama!

2010-03-01T12:09:00.000-08:00

I've belonged to lots of mom/playgroups since having my first child. In every single one, there were constant eruptions of drama amongst the moms ("mama drama," as many of you call it). I'm tired of it. Why can't grown women get beyond the ridiculous junior high mentality that everyone's out to get them/leave them out/hurt their feelings and make their lives miserable? Additionally, why do you stay in a group where you hate the people running it and think that you're being treated unfairly?

I ask these questions as one of the organizer's of a wonderful group my kids and I participate in (where we've had very little drama until now). I'm one of three women who work our asses off to make the group fun, interesting, warm and welcoming. Yet, we have some members who think it's a great time to spread malicious gossip, manipulate other members, lie and pretty much make our lives as organizers miserable. Do they think we're doing this for money? Fame? No, we do this because we want to. We want a fun place for our families to get to know other families. To create our own village for raising our kids. It takes blood, sweat and tears to run something like this.

To those moms (both in my group and not in my group) who thrive on their drama-filled bullshit, I say...Get out. If you don't like the group and think we're a pack of backstabbing bitches, then leave. Start your own group and run it the way you want. Just watch your own back for the time that some of your members turn on you for no reason except their own sadistic enjoyment.

The World Does Not Revolve Around You

2010-01-20T11:19:00.000-08:00

I used to work in social services, and have dealt with people at their worst. For the most part, my experience has shown people to be good hearted. They usually mean well and work hard to improve their situations. They care about others and make sacrifices to improve themselves. Then, there is that small percentage who are flaming assholes that need to be punched in the crotch. This is a memo to one such person.

Ever since I started going to the gym that I currently belong to, there has been a self-centered, oblivious, self-important bitch on one of the ellipticals. I loathe this woman with a passion, and she represents everything I hate about having to go to a gym in the first place. I belong to a community center facility, so there aren't 500 machines to grab. They have the rule that all gyms seem to use, that you can have a cardio machine for 30 minutes at a time, then must get off to give others a chance. This time of year it's packed with New Year's resolution crowds, and there's a good chance you might have to stand in line. This dumbass shows up, puts her water, towel and magazine on the elliptical, then proceeds to wander around the gym blabbing to people and doing everything EXCEPT workout.

Yes, she finds it acceptable to "save" a machine for herself while she goes on with her own personal social hour. This morning, she did it for 15 minutes (I was on a machine behind her, and timed it)!! None of the employees ever say a thing to her, and it infuriates me. Once she gets on the thing and starts her workout, she talks at full volume, bloviating about how important she is/her job is/her life is.

I'm contemplating a way to let her know what a fucking creep she is, because I think she honestly believes her behavior is just fine.

For The Love Of Cheez-Its, SLEEP!

2010-01-11T05:57:00.000-08:00

Why won't you kids let us sleep? Are you trying to kill your mommy and daddy? Don't you know that depriving us of a great night's rest makes us cranky, irritable, fat, angry, short-tempered, stupid and homicidal?

Food Obsession

2010-01-08T15:33:00.001-08:00

After taking a break from counting points during the holidays (and while I was sick for 3 weeks), I'm back to journaling my food and making sure I stay within my points range of 28 (plus my extra 35 weekly and activity points). I remember when I first started Weight Watchers and had a ton of points, it wasn't ever an issue. I ate and ate, and my weight fell off like crazy. I swear, dropping into the 20s has been incredibly challenging, and it's been a never ending battle with the same 4 pounds over and over and over. So, I'm back to counting today, as Fridays are my weigh-in day.

I've worked out nearly everyday since Jan. 1. I'm back to running, training for a Shamrock Run 5K in March...my legs and hips are SO SORE from the increased running, but I'm meeting a physical challenge I never thought I could. I've been doing a ton of yoga and loving it. It really helps with the running soreness. I've been fitting some short and intense rebounding workouts (mini trampoline) on the weekends, as well.

I definitely HAVE to workout, along with my careful eating, in order to lose weight. While WW doesn't require exercise as part of the program, I need it.

So, here I am entering all of my meals and snacks into eTools all day long. I only have 5pts left for dinner, a common issue...It being Friday night, I'll dip into extra points or activity points for some wine tonight. Going off program and then returning brings that obsession with food that you get when you first start a weight loss program, as well. I can't stop thinking about food: What will I eat? What has only a few points? Is it time to eat? I'm SOOOOOO hungry, even though I just ate!

Aargh, I know I just need to give my body a couple of days to remember that it's not going to starve, that being hungry isn't an emergency, and to just relax and go with the flow of counting points, but I just wish I'd stayed on program to begin with.

100 Books in 2010 Challenge

2010-01-06T08:27:00.001-08:00

I've signed up for this challenge, and you should too!

I'll keep my list on the lower, right-hand side of this blog.

A New Year, A New Start

2010-01-04T15:34:00.000-08:00

I lost 34lbs last year. I worked hard for the first 6 months or so, then sort of gave up. I kept losing and gaining the same 4lbs over and over and over, and got tired of dealing with it. It frustrates me now, because I'd be so much closer to my goal if I'd just kept counting points and faithfully working out. Luckily, I didn't really do any damage to myself-I maintained the same weight, more or less, but it's so much harder to get back on that weightloss wagon than it is to just stay on it to begin with. I ended the year being horribly sick for several weeks, enough so that I couldn't run without breaking into fits of coughing. I'm pretty sure I hurked up a few pieces of my lungs. I ate just a little too much, I drank just a little too much, and sat around. I tried to keep doing yoga, since it didn't make me hack and hack, but it's not such a great calorie burner.

I'm getting back to good health, and we've bought some exercise equipment...a pull-up and dip station, an urban rebounder. If I ever get a treadmill for home, I can quit the stupid gym completely (I'm not really a social exerciser).

I think that waiting for New Year's to decide to change our lives is ridiculous, but I'm thinking of this as a new start. Here are the things I'm resolving to do in 2010:

1. Get back to tracking points and logging my food.

2. Following this workout schedule: M-run and upper body strength; Tu-yoga; W-run and lower body strength; Th-yoga; F-run and abs. Sat/Sun will be rebounding (either one day or both), since it's a short and intense workout.

3. Spend more time intereacting with the kids and less time pretending to listen to them while hanging out on the computer.

4. Lean a new hobby..something, anything. Knitting perhaps?

5. Find a volunteer position.

6. Remember to take my vitamins!

I'm off to a decent start so far, I've gotten a workout in every day since the 1st. I've taken a multi and my calcium. I've sent some inquiries out about volunteer jobs. However, I'm sitting here typing while the kids watch a DVD, so there's one I need to focus on. Hard.

The playgroup's off to an awesome start already, with January and February calendars nearly full already. I've missed hanging out with those ladies, and while I love the holidays, I'm glad to have our schedule back to normal.

Blah Blah Blah

2009-11-12T12:47:00.000-08:00

I want to blog. It's fun, interesting, and good for my brain to just let all the crap that piles up in there get out on paper. Well, not paper exactly...

Then life intereferes, and months go by where I think about how I need to go write but never actually DO go write. I never, ever miss one of my kids' well child exams, yet I can't remember to come take care of myself through writing. It's a stupid thing we women do (especially moms), making outselves into martyrs.

I've been back on-track with my weight loss program. After a LOOOOOOONG plateau, I'm back on a downward trend. My playgroup started a 12 week competition through Thintopia, and it's reignited my desire to lose more weight. In the process, I've taken up RUNNING. This is shocking, because I don't run. Not even after an ice cream truck. A friend clued me into a program that e-mails me what to run on any given day, and by the end I'll be going for 30 minutes. I'm actually doing it! I like running! It's even inspired me to try a spinning class, which is an awesome workout even with the raging sore ass the next day.

I'm also getting the chance to learn how to knit. The knitting, running and spinning are all courtesy of the above-mentioned playgroup. We'll also be taking on some philanthropic adventures for the holidays, including working a local food bank. I've been thinking about how great my new friends are. They challenge me to be better, to take care of myself, to learn new things. It's important for me to do, as a human being, and to be a better mom.

The Penis Mightier

2009-10-01T14:56:00.000-07:00

Boys start early with their genitalia obsession. My 3 year old son is now fully in love with himself, and it's a battle to get him to wear pants. As we work on potty training, he often runs around naked from the waist down, and we're having to talk to him about the appropriate time and place for touching yourself. I'm a liberal, open-minded parent, but this discussion still makes me feel a little embarassed.

A few days ago, he'd been "handling" himself, and got an erection. "My penis is getting BIGGER!" he exclaimed, both shocked and impressed with himself. He's like a miniature frat boy already.

RIP Patrick Swayze

2009-09-14T19:16:00.000-07:00

Why is it we feel so hearbroken when beloved celebrities die? I remember John Ritter's surprise death left me reeling for weeks. I felt like a close family member was gone. Michael Jackson was sad, too, and my husband and I played our Jackson CD's and talked about his career and life. Now Patrick Swayze. The man had pancreatic cancer, so it's not like I expected him to make some kind of miraculous recovery, yet...what is it? It's like they're larger than life, like celebrities can't possibly die. Like most girls, I grew up adoring "Dirty Dancing," arguably the best cheesy movie ever made. The music, the dancing, the lines: "Nobody puts baby in the corner!" My god, it's brilliant!

I'm sad about Patrick Swayze, it gives me this dull ache in my heart. I think that famous people feel like a part of us, since fans own just a tiny little bit of the person through their movies/music/art/books.

Children and Race

2009-09-07T05:59:00.001-07:00

Newsweek recently ran an article about babies, children and racism. Here's the link, http://www.newsweek.com/id/214989/page/1

There are two pieces to this article, but in the end I don't really understand the shock. My family is biracial. My husband is of Indian descent, and I'm a mix, mostly German and Irish with some other white mixed in. Race is an important part of our lives, and we're very open and honest about it. We talk/joke about it between us, with our extended families, with our friends and with our kids. I will never understand people (and, yes, it's mostly white people) who think the best way to "address" the issue of people being different colors is by completely ignoring it. This is what they found in the article, that parents stick to an "everyone is the same inside" argument, and proceed to ignore race completely.

Meanwhile, they found that babies spend more time staring at photos of faces that are a different race than their parents are. This didn't indicate a preference, per se, just that even babies as young as 6 months notice that it's "out of the ordinary" from what they normally encounter. Well, pardon my language here, but no shit, sherlock.

Anyone who has children knows that even the tiniest babies notice when something is new to them. That's kind of the point of their little developing brains. Ultimately the issue here isn't that babies notice different skin colors (which I should point out, is NOT a bad thing. Noticing and talking to your kids about race and skin color is okay. In fact, it's mandatory, in my opinion), it's that they aren't getting the chance to be around people of all races.

With kids who are mixed race, I think about bigotry, faux liberalism and hidden racists all the time. I live, geographically, in an area that is pretty liberal and we rarely have any issues with other people not approving of our family. Still, my husband and brown kids are probably the only encounters most of our friends and their children have with non-white people. My guess is that this is pretty standard for most white people.

If Only I Was Famous...

2009-09-03T18:49:00.000-07:00

I could check myself into a posh rehab facility for "exhaustion" right about now. It's been a long and painful couple of weeks, and I apologize for not writing for awhile. Our only car broke down, and we decided to get something new. I love the new, crazily overpriced hunk of gas-guzzling beauty. We could buy one of our kids four years at a state university for what we're paying, and it pains me to think about it. It's also not a hybrid, something else that eats away at me. I do my best, people!

So, we have the new financial strain of a huge car payment. We're moving toward a less consumer-driven lifestyle (I know that sounds ridiculous, what with the new car and all) to make up for the hit our checking account will be taking. I'm doing the grocery game thing, hunting through sales ads to find the best deals. Planning meals around what's cheap that week, which is taking a lot of getting used to. I was a spoiled grocery shopper before, pretty much buying whatever I felt like.

I also got the flu, a very long stretch of it, and wasn't up for doing much. Thankfully my mom is around to help with the kids, because every square inch of my body ached. I'm okay now, and hoping that'll be it for our family and the flu this year. Fingers crossed...

I'm going to be volunteering at a local animal hospital starting next week. I'm excited to get back into veterinary work again, and I hope it eventually leads to a paid position.

Meanwhile, I finally lost the 4lbs I'd gained while being completely lazy on the WW plan. I feel re-energized about the whole thing, and have been getting in good workouts. Woo hoo!

Here We Are Now, Entertain Us.

2009-08-09T19:23:00.000-07:00

What I'm into for amusing myself. I use and abuse Netflix on a daily basis, and am in love with being able to view stuff on their website. I also watch my favorite shows on Hulu (remember, we have no cable, satellite, digital converter box...read that entry, people!!). So, I read and watch DVDs and workout and surf the Net. Right now, my obsessions are:

The public library (this isn't a photo of my library, but how much do I lust after this one?!). How can you not enjoy a place that just lets you take their stuff via the honor system (okay, there's a card, and they'll track you down with their thugs if you haven't paid your fines, but you get the idea). I take the kids a few times a month for new books for all of us. We also enjoy all their free entertainment-storytime, jugglers, magicians, etc. Librarians rule.

Oh Weeds, you are my crack addiction. I started watching the first 2 seasons on Netflix, in a totally random way. The site recommended this show based on something else I'd rented, and I got hooked instantly. Season 3 had to be mailed to me, and I'm about halfway through the season 4 episodes. Mary Louise Parker is just so hot and amazing, and I love the show.

I Feel Pretty, Oh So Pretty! Clothes and Accessories I Can't Live Without.

2009-08-09T19:14:00.001-07:00

Down East Basics T-Shirts. Their camisoles are also the best you can get. I spend tons shopping on their website, and I freaking love these tees. I have them in at least 25 colors and varieties.

From HSN, Technibond® Torqued Circle Pendant in yellow gold. Gorgeous and shiny, my go-to gold necklace.

Adorable and cool peace sign necklace in silver by Jessica Hicks. If I could afford the gold one, I'd get that, too.

Ariat Fatbaby boots. If you don't see why these are cool, I just don't understand you at all.

Lucky Brand Jeans, handbags. I buy these off Ebay to save me a good fifty bucks or so, but I think they're worth retail price. Nice soft leather, it gets better with use and aging. I have this specific bag in tan, and many other bags by this company. Right now I want that slouchy hobo like the one on "Weeds."

I'd Rather Die Than Not Eat and Drink These...

2009-08-09T13:05:00.001-07:00

Argentinian Malbec wine, my latest find. I've tried several brands, the one in the photo is good. Sadly, I cannot for the life of me remember which one I had from Whole Foods that was so good I drank the entire bottle myself in one night. It didn't prevent my raging hangover headache, but was so worth it.

Seattle's Best Coffee is, hands down, the best coffee available. I should note that Starbucks now owns them, something I wish wasn't true. Anyway, their french roast is very dark and rich, and my personal heaven is a room that smells like a pot of this stuff brewing. Sigh.

If I wasn't already married, I'd propose to Hershey's Special Dark chocolate bars. Intense, yet sweet, creamy and awesome. Fairly points-friendly, too. For the regular size bar, it's just 4. I like to eat a little segment (about 1 point) a day for a little treat. Oh, and no evil high fructose corn syrup.

Pistachios are the best nuts in the history of nuts. The shells take forever to pop open, and I can eat them by the truckoad. Then they make me fart, though.

Things I Love...That Make Me Gorgeous.

2009-08-09T12:38:00.000-07:00

Estee Lauder Youth Dew Bath Oil-I hardly ever get the time to have a long, hot bath. When I do, I always use this stuff. It's so earthy, sexy, interesting and complicated. It makes the whole bathroom smell amazing, and it lingers on my skin until I shower again.

Trader Joe's Shea Butter bar soap. For about three bucks, you get a huge bar of creamy, fresh, clean bubbly fun. I can't live without it.

Tom Ford Black Violet is my ultimate fragrance. It's so sexy, musky, and unique. It also costs a freaking fortune. For hot days, I've been enjoying the Bigelow Lemon, available at Bath and Body Works. Also, Sensuous is a nice warm scent for evening or a cooler day.

Act mouthwash, bubble gum flavor. I'm obsessed with mouthwash, because I have weird teeth that are prone to cavities. Dentists always tell me this is the best brand to use, but I don't like swishing for 30-60 seconds with most washes. This, however, tastes just like bubblegum. Yum!

MoroccanOil is giving me the best hair days EVER, even with the pain in the ass glass bottle.

DHC-Love them. Mild Body Shampoo is sweet and fresh, Cleansing Oil removes makeup without making your eyes burn, and White Sunscreen protects with Titanium and Zinc Oxide, but is never greasy or thick.

Aquaphor fixes everything, I tell you!

Book Review: Goodnight Nobody

2009-08-08T10:48:00.001-07:00

By: Jennifer Weiner

I'll admit upfront that I adore this author, and love every single thing she writes. If she took on the job of writing catalogue descriptions, I'd buy every item. This book is a little different from her others, and she says in the "Ask The Author" section that it's far less autobiographical than what she usually writes.

The main character, Kate, is a reluctant stay-at-home-mom in an upper class, cookie-cutter suburban neighborhood. Formerly a reporter in NYC, she decides to investigate the murder of another mom in the neighborhood who she barely knew.

I can't tell you how I identified with this character. She feels lost, out of touch and bored being with her kids. Of course, that leads to endless guilt and feelings of inferiority when she's around all the other "perfect" moms who feed their kids healthy, organic snacks and provide them with constant mental stimulation. Nobody else seems to feel like she does, and her husband often treats her like she's less than a person. Oh, and tells her to join a gym (yeah, I know).

This is a great fast read, something that I devoured in just a few days.

Book Review: B As In Beauty

2009-08-07T18:19:00.000-07:00

By: Alberto Ferreras

The story of a fat, downtrodden, depressed and self-hating woman who learns who she really is and gains confidence after becoming a successful member of an escort service. Yeah, I saw that a guy had written this book, and rolled my eyes, too. I thought, "Only a man would think that a woman would realize how great she really is by being paid to fuck old rich guys." Well, that's not really the story here. This character, Beauty ("B"), falls into employment with the agency, where the owner becomes her confidante and coach, if you will. The jobs don't involve actual sex, but she realizes that she has to love herself in order for others to see how wonderful and worthwhile she really is. The clients are the first experiences she's had with men who value her as she looks, extra weight and all.

Ferreras does a remarkably good job presenting the mind of a woman, and I actually forgot that it wasn't written by a female until I closed the cover at the end of the book (which I read in one day).

It's a good one, at least worth checking out from the library.

Movie Review: The Collector

2009-08-06T19:34:00.001-07:00

I'm going to start reviewing movies I see and books I read. I don't see a lot in the theater, so I'll weed out the things I get from Netflix that are worth talking about. Books, on the other hand, I devour, and I hope I can come up with interesting stuff to say about them. Let the reviewing begin...

Cast: Josh Stewart, Michael Reilly Burke, Andrea Roth, Madeline Zima, Daniella Alonso
Director: Marcus Dunstan
Genres: Slasher Film, Horror, Sadistic Horror

Here's how you know if you should shell out the crazy price of a movie ticket: Do you like the "Saw" series? If so, check this out. It's by the same people, and has the same look and feel to it. I won't give away anything important, but here's the basic plot: A thief breaks into a family's home to pop their safe and steal an expensive jewel. He needs it for a specific reason, one that makes you understand why he's ripping someone off, an act that most of us wouldn't normally support. Anyway, while he's there, he discovers that a madman has taken some of the family members hostage, is torturing them in horrible and unique ways, AND has booby-trapped their home.

I liked it a lot. The protagonist is likeable and complicated, and the collector himself is very creepy...he also withstands amazing physical abuse without any apparent ill-effects (this is always an important trait for horror movie villains).

It's incredibly bloody and violent, you see boobs, and you'll cringe and cover your eyes a lot, but you'll have a good time. The ending is so very lame and really obvious in its goal to set you up for a sequel, but it was worth the money. Well, matinee prices.

When's My Vacation?

2009-08-06T15:04:00.000-07:00

My better half is on vacation this week. We're doing the thing that all the cool, hip media outlets are referring to this year as a "Staycation." That phrase is only one reason why I don't watch local news broacasts anymore (their use of moronic, made-up words, and their insane focus on the weather), and it makes me want to bitch slap someone, but...it's what we're doing.

We're lucky to live in an amazing part of the country, and there are tons of great things to do. I'm finally accepting, however, what it means to try and enjoy time off work when small children are around. First, stay-at-home-moms don't have vacation time. The little people still get up at 6AM, they still demand food almost constantly, they still shit in their pants, they still need to be read to and talked to and stopped from killing themselves with sharp objects.

So, while the husband vacations, parenting still goes on. Here's what we've done so far: I took the kids to the library and Target while Mat worked on his computer set-up. We went to the coast and "enjoyed" the beach (that's a very loose use of the word, because mostly we kept the kids from running directly into the waves and being swept out to sea, then dumping baby powder on them to get the sand out of their creases). We checked out an outlet mall and picked up some new fall clothes for A&L, who have somehow outgrown everything we've ever bought for them before. We'll still be catching a matinee and going to opening day of our local county fair before the week is done.

Yeah, the days of long, lazy, sleeping-in vacations are done. No more booze-filled outings, hot and steamy meetings in the bedroom at 2PM, and Halloween movie marathons. No more running off to Vegas for a quick overnight trip because we feel like it.

There's no extra money, no extra time, no real recuperative sleep, yet...it's still amazing to see those little faces when they catch their first glimpse of the ocean. When they see a waterfall for the first time. When they get a little bite of chocolate at a fancy shop in a new town we've never been to. Is there anything sweeter than seeing them snoozing away in their carseats after a long day of adventures? I don't think there is.

My Kids Are Cool. Weird, But Cool.

2009-08-05T08:36:00.000-07:00

I consider myself kind of strange. I've never been concerned about what everyone else is wearing/saying/eating/watching, etc. I was known to wear an ankle-length, bright orange skirt now and then in high school. I just didn't particularly give a shit what people thought of me. Now, it seems, my kids are the same way. I can't really put into words how much I want them to hold onto this trait. I love their strange, interesting, happily-dancing-around-the-house-singing-AC/DC-selves. They're fabulous!

Their favorite band...

I'm My Own Worst Enemy

2009-07-29T08:55:00.000-07:00

I was browsing mom blogs last night, and came upon a whole site for working mothers. I am currently a SAHM, something that I didn't go into all that willingly, but it made sense for our situation. I was working in the social services industry, which means I was making a slave wage. I liked the work, and spent a lot of time and money getting a degree in that field, but would never make enough to cover childcare for two young kids. Plus, I've worked in daycares, and I just don't want that for my children.

My mom would happily watch them for me, and I like that alternative (and am incredibly lucky to have it), but then we moved to another state...stayed a year, and moved again. I haven't had time to find professional contacts here, and I have a long gap in my employment history now that I've been home for 3+ years. Therein lies the dilemna for moms-if you take time off for your kids, the gap in work history hurts you. In this economy, there's just too much competition from people who have been working steadily, and they don't have to deal with someone who's been wiping snot and cleaning shitty butts for years.

So, back to the working moms blog (sorry for no link. I didn't save the address). I read through some of it, and started to feel so bad about staying home. They weren't insulting toward stay at home moms, it was an internal thing. I'll admit that I often feel bad about the fact I stay home. I feel like I never get to challenge my brain, that spending so much time with my kids works me to my last nerve and I'm short tempered with them. I miss having an outside job with coworkers and a desk and a title and business cards. I miss accomplishing goals that are my own, and working on projects. I miss being able to talk about what I do when someone asks my profession (trust me, nobody but other SAHM's give a crap about what you do all day when you stay home with your kids).

I love my kids beyond words, and they are my first priority. I think I'm doing good things with them, and I love being here for all of their "stuff" (i.e. making playdate friends, all their firsts, making sure they're eating food that I approve of that don't contain HFCS or Red 40). I like e-mailing my husband funny photos of them during the day. I like playing in the pool at 10AM, or running to Target for a popcorn combo whenever the kids and I want to.

My son has a lot of anxiety about being left anywhere, and when we tried pre-school, it was a disaster. If that's something we continue to fight as he nears kindergarten, I'll delay going back to work even longer in order to homeschool him (and my daughter, if need be). But I miss working. When I read about working moms, I feel inferior.

Being a mom is very, very hard. Working moms and stay at home moms have the same struggles when it comes to parenting, and each have their own unique problems that the other group doesn't worry about. That's life, and having kids is worth it.

Still, though, I'm glad the kids don't give me performance reviews. Shiver.

TV: The Devil's Work?

2009-07-22T13:03:00.000-07:00

Okay, I don't really believe in the Devil, but that term works for the larger point here. There seem to be two kinds of people: Those who love TV and who use it as their main source of entertainment, and those who hate TV and believe it's the worst invention in the history of humankind and that we should all shun it in the interest of improving ourselves. Obviously these are generalizations, and there are people somewhere in-between these extremes. In fact, I probably fall somewhere in the middle, leaning towards the "TV is bad" camp."

When I was growing up, we didn't have cable for years. I had become accustomed to not really watching, and became a fan of reading as my favorite solitary activity. As an adult, I watched stuff, and liked it, but didn't care so much if I missed my favorite shows. There were little spurts of television obsessions (i.e. Macgyver, 90210, Buffy and The X-Files), but things like Reality TV just don't resonate with me. It seemed like shows were getting more and more stupid, to the point that I was only watching two things regularly: The news (which is a ridiculous joke that is barely useful for knowing current events in a well-rounded way) and House (oh, Hugh Laurie, you are so dreamy).

When the digital switch happened, my husband and I decided to stop watching TV altogether. We were using an antenna, and opted not to buy a digital converter box or get cable or a satellite dish. Mat's not a TV person-he's more of the "TV is the root of all evil" gang, and was thrilled to have it out of our lives. We were backed with countless research about the perils of letting children watch http://www.aap.org/family/smarttv.htm http://www.pbs.org/parents/childrenandmedia/article-faq.html and decided the TV would now exist solely for watching DVDs. Maybe someday a video game system, but we'll see.

In the world of DVR, a thousand satellite channels, and cocktail party chatter involving the latest American Idol cast-off, this makes us weirdos. Most people I know let their kids watch a ton of TV, and they themselves watch something (at least one show, usually more) every single day. I think the key to a healthy, balanced life is moderation, and I certainly don't think that the whole world should skip their favorite shows in favor of reading War and Peace (although I admit, in a mid-upper class, white, snobby sort of way I do believe that it would make us a lot smarter and more interesting).

Still, why can't people just cut back? I really don't know, and it's not my business, but it's something to think about. In the meantime, I catch new episodes of House on Hulu, http://www.hulu.com , I read my news online from various websites and blogs, and I rent the DVD collections of Weeds and Californication. I think I'll be just fine.

My Favorite Little People

2009-07-22T12:59:00.000-07:00

My Favorite Critters

2009-07-22T12:55:00.001-07:00

Where's My Magical Weightloss Pill?

2009-07-17T08:19:00.000-07:00

Today is weigh-in day for me. I do it first thing in the morning, and back when I started Weight Watchers, it was always an exciting time. The first 20 pounds really fell off, and it didn't take that much effort. I weighed more, so I had more points to eat per day (for those unfamiliar with WW, you attribute "points" to food, based on calories/fat/fiber content). As my weight dropped, I lost points, and that makes the program harder. Still, I was successful to the 28lb point, when I stalled.

I started on December 14th, so I'm 7 months into this thing. At 28lbs, I stopped seeing losses. Then, I gained one, lost it, gained it, lost it, etc. I finally dropped one more last week, so here I sit at 29lbs gone. Don't get me wrong-I feel amazing. I have so much more energy and patience. I've lost 2 clothing sizes (3 sizes in some brands), I'm so much more fit now that I workout 5-6 days a week. I'm stronger, more flexible and I know I look better. But, I'm still fat.

I hear about this new concept of your "happy weight" (sadly, it's not your weight when eating lots and lots of Happy Meals), the weight that you maintain when you're exercising regularly, eating a mostly healthy diet, and still enjoying your favorite treats. I like the thought, and I'm not obsessed with getting to a specific, very low weight. However, I seriously doubt that my current weight is a "happy" one. My BMI is still unhealthy, and I'm much bigger than I'm comfortable with.

It's a frustrating process, one that's teaching me to be patient, kind to myself, and not get so discouraged that I give up. I mean, I'm still almost 30lbs lighter than I was in December, and if I hadn't started this process, I'd be heading to 300lbs by now. I know slower weight loss is better, and going to quickly pretty much guarantees you'll gain it back again.

I did have a possible revelation in the shower, though...I use hair conditioner to shave, and it's a "thickening" product. Eureeka! That's it! My shaving product is thickening my legs and armpits, thereby causing weight gain. I'll switch to "smooth and sleek" and end up toned and hot by Christmas. Yep, that's the ticket.

The Bra-Hunting Toddler

2009-07-16T19:09:00.000-07:00

This afternoon, My 20 month old daughter took a very late nap. My mom was around to keep an eye on her for me, so my 3 year old son and I went to run a few errands. After suffering through the ridiculous WinCo during rush hour, we bought half of PetSmart for our little home zoo (a dog, two rats and a cat...that means: Giant bag of dog food that could feed a small nation, rat food that is pretty much high priced trail mix, and catnip so Spooky wouldn't feel left out). Since we had some time to kill before picking up my husband, we visited the nirvana known as Target.

Armed with the necessary provisions (popcorn combo and Starbucks. Good lord, I'm so white), we grabbed a few necessities. I saw that the bra section was loaded with awesome deals, and my weight loss has made it necessary for me to buy new bras every five minutes. As I looked, here's what happened:

Andy: What are you looking at, mommy?

Me: Bras

A: Who are bras for?

Me: For mommies

A: Do I need bras?

Me: No. You're a little boy, so you don't need one.

A: I'm a BIG BOY, mommy!!!!!

Me: Sorry, yes, you're a big boy, but even big boys don't need bras.

A: Why don't big boys need bras?

Me: Because you don't have boobs.

A: I DO HAVE BOOBS (this at full volume, no less)

Me: No, you really don't have boobs that need a bra.

Andy: Well, I'm getting some bras for myself!

He then proceeded to wander around with handfuls of bras. Yeah, that's my boy

More Cowbell!

2009-07-15T19:43:00.001-07:00

There's simply never enough cowbell.

Healthcare Fury

2009-07-15T05:47:00.000-07:00

My family has decent health insurance. It costs a fortune. Out of pocket, we pay a couple hundred dollars each month. My husband's employer pays nearly a thousand per month, for our family alone. On top of that, we have a $15 co-pay each time we visit a doctor. If it's an ER trip, it's a $100 co-pay. Additionally, our deductible for lab work is so high, that we pretty much pay for any blood or urine work that needs to be done. I'm wondering if pregnancy would blast through that deductible or not.

Recently I went in for my yearly exam, and the balance on that visit was around $35 after the insurance had paid (plus the co-pay, don't forget). My son had to go to the ER via ambulance, and then had a follow-up with his pediatrician on a weekend. The balance on the ambulance is $180 (it was a NINE HUNDRED dollar ride, for fuck's sake. They drove us two miles), the ER balance is $12, the pediatrician balance is another $15. These are all costs above what we already pay each month. I break into a cold sweat when I think about what would have happened if we were uninsured. Medical bills are the number one reason people file for bankruptcy, though those bills are not discharged by bankruptcy judges.

Our current system does not work. It's corrupt, it's a monopoly, it rips you off and provides sub-standard care. Yet people bitch and moan about Obama's health care plan.

http://www.barackobama.com/pdf/issues/HealthCareFullPlan.pdf

Guess what, folks, healthy competition amongst private healthcare is a must (and "the American way"). The truth is, healthcare is a right that every single American deserves, not some nice little side benefit that only the wealthy should enjoy. There should be good quality care that is affordable or free to anyone not covered at work, or who can't afford their portion of the payments each month. We should be able to pick and choose between carriers, and make them compete for our business the way that our cell phone companies and credit card companies do. They should be begging us to use their plan, not the other way around.

When my husband switched jobs a couple of years ago, we had a young toddler and I was pregnant. We were forced to buy COBRA, since there was a 3 month gap before our new insurance kicked in. It was $1200/month for our family of 3. It was, literally, painful each month to send off a check. Obama's corrected that problem, and the government now subsidizes COBRA payments (it works out to around $300 for families and $150 for singles) to a more acceptable level.

I really wonder about people who don't think healthcare should be a top priority. The whole system will come crashing down soon enough if it's not fixed. Or, we can just ignore the whole mess the way the Bush Administration ignored the economy and corrupt Wall Street...Oh, wait, that didn't work out so well, did it?

2009-07-14T15:43:00.000-07:00

I started this blog, finally, after reading some friends' (and strangers') funny musings. Here I am, ready to write, and I keep getting interrupted: "I want something, mommy!" "I pooped again, mommy!" "Mommy, Lauren fell down." I remember when I was in college, and the only interruptions to my writing and research were my own..."Hmm, I should totally write this paper, but look at what's on TV." "Look who's playing at the bar down the street." "Look at this pretty shiny object on the floor!"

It comes with the mommyhood territory, but is still incredibly frustrating. Save my writing for later when the kids are asleep? Yeah, but that's my time with the husband and for reading and for relaxing with a movie and cup of tea (okay, glass of wine. Or three). It'll happen when it happens, I suppose, but after 3 years of children, I still haven't gotten used to it.

At my core I'm a solitary person. Mat's the only one I really like being around for long periods of time, yet we're apart for most of the day. Having little people, who are completely dependent on me, is a new challenge that I work at every second of every hour of every day. I'm not proficient yet.

I'm taking time for myself these days. Since December, when I joined Weight Watchers, I've lost 29lbs (slow, I know. I've stalled for the last month and a half due to laziness). I work out nearly everyday now, a rotating schedule of workout DVDs that involve pilates, cardio/strength intervals, dance cardio (Zumba and Jazzercise, mainly), kickboxing and yoga. I eat my fruits and veggies and limit the junk. I feel amazing, more energetic, fit and healthy than I ever remember feeling. It calms my nerves and lets me handle the kids with a little more ease. Yet something's missing.

I miss school. I'd planned for years to return for my Master's in something...anything...possibly Public Health or Counseling. Yet it hasn't happened. I already have a shitload of student loan debt, and don't want to take on even more. But my brain-it slowly rots away in my head as more time goes by and I use it for things like: breaking up toddler fights, thinking of funny little rhymes and songs for little people to enjoy, sitting in the kiddie pool, watching Leap Frog DVDs incessantly and not getting enough sleep.

This is for me, and I need the time to devote to it. I also need to: read more books that I enjoy, read the world news to be informed, follow the Obama administration's clean-up of W's fuck-ups, talk to my husband, visit with my friends and walk the dog.

For now, I'll let the little ones eat some Cheetos so I can have just a few more minutes to type.

We All Have To Start Somewhere

2009-07-14T15:21:00.001-07:00

I am an online maniac. I met my husband online. We bought our house online. I help organize a playgroup online. I work on shrinking my fat ass through an online program. It's my favorite way to interact with large groups of people and learn about the world.

I participate in message boards, I shop, I read, I laugh and cry. I blog about my family and read other blogs written by amazing, smart people. Why not start one of my own?

Here I go...Let me go on and on about my life; husband and kids, finding mama friends, eating and drinking, reading, working out, losing weight, learning how to be better.

Welcome!