No More Pencils, No More Books

My older kid is old enough to start preschool in the fall, as he's turning 4 next month. He's always been a bit of a high strung boy, and doesn't do well in new situations with new people. If I could create a school with all of his friends from playgroup in it, and nobody else, it'd be fine. We actually tried a school last year that allowed kids in at age 2...it worked fine at first, when I could stay with him, but he really freaked out when it was time for me to leave him there. He's never really been away from us, and his only babysitter has been his grandma. Perhaps being with him so much (we even co-slept with him, unwillingly, for 3 years) was a mistake, since he has trouble separating.

Anyway, this has led me to think about homeschooling with him. At least for preschool and kindergarten. I can't decide if it's a good idea or not. In a way, I figure these are the "grades" that I should try it out, as it's no big loss if I can't manage it (I'll admit that I lack the patience gene). I've been doing some research and there's actual curriculum you can purchase, or you can get free ideas on various homeschooling and educational websites. On the other hand, there's a lot of info suggesting that following curriculum for kids this age is a huge mistake, and you should just continue doing the normal parenting stuff (books, talks, crafts, walks, outside play).

I'm really torn about what to do. We have a nice little group of friends, so he would still have social time with them (although it'd be less, since most of them will be going to school during the day). I'd find some classes for him to try out at the community center, maybe art and/or a sport.

With my daughter, who's currently 2 1/2, I don't worry so much. She's incredibly outgoing, social and fearless. I think our big problem with her is she'll be "too social" during study time.

I have to admit that part of me likes the idea of developing their education. With the recent Texas school board idiocy regarding text books, and the Christianization of our schools, I truly worry about the bullshit my kids will hear when they start attending. Plus, both kids are very curious, and I hate how traditional schools stifle individuality (not to mention discourage dissent and questions from kids).

This parenting gig's hard.

A Surprising Reminder

My family took a three day trip to one of my favorite places, Long Beach, WA. It was our first real "vacation" with the kids, one that involved a hotel stay (which is its own special hell, let me tell you). We spent that time shopping, checking out little stores, having ice cream, finding awesome fresh seafood in every restaurant (halibut for breakfast? Oh yeah!), visiting museums, digging in the sand, running from the waves, and hiking to some lighthouses.

The lighthouses bring me to my startling revelation. We visited North Head Lighthouse and Cape Disappointment Lighthouse, both with amazing views of the ocean. Cape Disappointment is the most exciting, as you can see the point where the Columbia River empties into the Pacific Ocean. It's incredible. It also involves a one mile hike (roundtrip) with fairly steep hills and somewhat rough terrain through the woods. A little side note here, my kids did AWESOME. We were worried they'd be whining and complaining all the way back and need to be carried. Not so, they loved it!

Anyway, as we completed this hike, I realized something...These were steep hills, and I could do it! I've had a really hard time lately with stalled weight loss. In fact, it's been at least 6 months since I've been successfully losing, though I have maintained what I lost early last year. The week before the trip, I focused very hard on my workouts and what I ate and had a one pound loss (I'm happy with one pound in a week). Still, the back and forth lately, up a pound, down a pound, have gotten me down. Depending on any given weigh-in, my total loss so far has been 30-34lbs.

So, we're hiking these hills, and I'm carrying all the coats and such, and I'm just sweating a bit. I realize I'm not out of breath, I'm not gasping for air, I'm not red as a tomato from exertion, I'm able to talk to my family. I'm not in horrible shape!!!! A year ago, I wouldn't have been able to do this so easily! When I was 30 (or 34) pounds heavier, and rarely exercised, this walk would have killed me. I would have had to rest up top for 20 minutes to head back. I wouldn't have been able to keep talking to my kids and telling them to stay on the path.

I'm keeping this in mind as I head back to work on my plan. Even though it's so incredibly slow going and frustrating right now, I can't forget how far I've come. Changing who I am is a long and hard process, and sometimes I need these reminders of what I've accomplished so far.

The Good (Married) Life

Awhile back, one of my sisters had a Facebook status that said something along the lines of, "With so many men out there to date, why would a person want to settle down with just one?" My first thought was, "Lunatic. Who wants to deal with dating? It was a pain in the ass!" I still think that, but I had another thought yesterday that made me realize what it is about marriage that I think is so great. There are the obvious reasons: Being with the person you love for the rest of your life, having support (both emotional and financial), raising a family, etc. I believe all of those things, but there's something else.

There's a house that my husband and I pass everyday when I'm taking him to the park and ride. In their very long driveway is a tractor-trailer with the word "Hoss" attached in huge letters to the front. Whether it's the name of the truck or its driver, we're not sure. Either way, we've taken to following the story of Hoss. We imagine that's the driver's nickname, and when he's gone for long stretches at a time, we're sad for his wife and family. When he returns we're giddy with happiness, "Hoss is back!" Obviously we don't know these people, and have no idea what the story/situation is. However, it's become our "thing," something we talk about and find amusing and entertaining. Other people wouldn't get it.

And that's why marriage is so great. Having someone who knows all of your inside jokes, can understand why something's funny or sad or confusing just by hearing a word or seeing a particular facial expression. This person's got your back, and that's a nice feeling. I hope Hoss and his Mrs. Hoss feel the same way.

This Isn't Acting 101. Cut the Drama!

I've belonged to lots of mom/playgroups since having my first child. In every single one, there were constant eruptions of drama amongst the moms ("mama drama," as many of you call it). I'm tired of it. Why can't grown women get beyond the ridiculous junior high mentality that everyone's out to get them/leave them out/hurt their feelings and make their lives miserable? Additionally, why do you stay in a group where you hate the people running it and think that you're being treated unfairly?

I ask these questions as one of the organizer's of a wonderful group my kids and I participate in (where we've had very little drama until now). I'm one of three women who work our asses off to make the group fun, interesting, warm and welcoming. Yet, we have some members who think it's a great time to spread malicious gossip, manipulate other members, lie and pretty much make our lives as organizers miserable. Do they think we're doing this for money? Fame? No, we do this because we want to. We want a fun place for our families to get to know other families. To create our own village for raising our kids. It takes blood, sweat and tears to run something like this.

To those moms (both in my group and not in my group) who thrive on their drama-filled bullshit, I say...Get out. If you don't like the group and think we're a pack of backstabbing bitches, then leave. Start your own group and run it the way you want. Just watch your own back for the time that some of your members turn on you for no reason except their own sadistic enjoyment.

The World Does Not Revolve Around You

I used to work in social services, and have dealt with people at their worst. For the most part, my experience has shown people to be good hearted. They usually mean well and work hard to improve their situations. They care about others and make sacrifices to improve themselves. Then, there is that small percentage who are flaming assholes that need to be punched in the crotch. This is a memo to one such person.

Ever since I started going to the gym that I currently belong to, there has been a self-centered, oblivious, self-important bitch on one of the ellipticals. I loathe this woman with a passion, and she represents everything I hate about having to go to a gym in the first place. I belong to a community center facility, so there aren't 500 machines to grab. They have the rule that all gyms seem to use, that you can have a cardio machine for 30 minutes at a time, then must get off to give others a chance. This time of year it's packed with New Year's resolution crowds, and there's a good chance you might have to stand in line. This dumbass shows up, puts her water, towel and magazine on the elliptical, then proceeds to wander around the gym blabbing to people and doing everything EXCEPT workout.

Yes, she finds it acceptable to "save" a machine for herself while she goes on with her own personal social hour. This morning, she did it for 15 minutes (I was on a machine behind her, and timed it)!! None of the employees ever say a thing to her, and it infuriates me. Once she gets on the thing and starts her workout, she talks at full volume, bloviating about how important she is/her job is/her life is.

I'm contemplating a way to let her know what a fucking creep she is, because I think she honestly believes her behavior is just fine.

For The Love Of Cheez-Its, SLEEP!

Why won't you kids let us sleep? Are you trying to kill your mommy and daddy? Don't you know that depriving us of a great night's rest makes us cranky, irritable, fat, angry, short-tempered, stupid and homicidal?

Food Obsession

After taking a break from counting points during the holidays (and while I was sick for 3 weeks), I'm back to journaling my food and making sure I stay within my points range of 28 (plus my extra 35 weekly and activity points). I remember when I first started Weight Watchers and had a ton of points, it wasn't ever an issue. I ate and ate, and my weight fell off like crazy. I swear, dropping into the 20s has been incredibly challenging, and it's been a never ending battle with the same 4 pounds over and over and over. So, I'm back to counting today, as Fridays are my weigh-in day.

I've worked out nearly everyday since Jan. 1. I'm back to running, training for a Shamrock Run 5K in March...my legs and hips are SO SORE from the increased running, but I'm meeting a physical challenge I never thought I could. I've been doing a ton of yoga and loving it. It really helps with the running soreness. I've been fitting some short and intense rebounding workouts (mini trampoline) on the weekends, as well.

I definitely HAVE to workout, along with my careful eating, in order to lose weight. While WW doesn't require exercise as part of the program, I need it.

So, here I am entering all of my meals and snacks into eTools all day long. I only have 5pts left for dinner, a common issue...It being Friday night, I'll dip into extra points or activity points for some wine tonight. Going off program and then returning brings that obsession with food that you get when you first start a weight loss program, as well. I can't stop thinking about food: What will I eat? What has only a few points? Is it time to eat? I'm SOOOOOO hungry, even though I just ate!

Aargh, I know I just need to give my body a couple of days to remember that it's not going to starve, that being hungry isn't an emergency, and to just relax and go with the flow of counting points, but I just wish I'd stayed on program to begin with.