I was browsing mom blogs last night, and came upon a whole site for working mothers. I am currently a SAHM, something that I didn't go into all that willingly, but it made sense for our situation. I was working in the social services industry, which means I was making a slave wage. I liked the work, and spent a lot of time and money getting a degree in that field, but would never make enough to cover childcare for two young kids. Plus, I've worked in daycares, and I just don't want that for my children.
My mom would happily watch them for me, and I like that alternative (and am incredibly lucky to have it), but then we moved to another state...stayed a year, and moved again. I haven't had time to find professional contacts here, and I have a long gap in my employment history now that I've been home for 3+ years. Therein lies the dilemna for moms-if you take time off for your kids, the gap in work history hurts you. In this economy, there's just too much competition from people who have been working steadily, and they don't have to deal with someone who's been wiping snot and cleaning shitty butts for years.
So, back to the working moms blog (sorry for no link. I didn't save the address). I read through some of it, and started to feel so bad about staying home. They weren't insulting toward stay at home moms, it was an internal thing. I'll admit that I often feel bad about the fact I stay home. I feel like I never get to challenge my brain, that spending so much time with my kids works me to my last nerve and I'm short tempered with them. I miss having an outside job with coworkers and a desk and a title and business cards. I miss accomplishing goals that are my own, and working on projects. I miss being able to talk about what I do when someone asks my profession (trust me, nobody but other SAHM's give a crap about what you do all day when you stay home with your kids).
I love my kids beyond words, and they are my first priority. I think I'm doing good things with them, and I love being here for all of their "stuff" (i.e. making playdate friends, all their firsts, making sure they're eating food that I approve of that don't contain HFCS or Red 40). I like e-mailing my husband funny photos of them during the day. I like playing in the pool at 10AM, or running to Target for a popcorn combo whenever the kids and I want to.
My son has a lot of anxiety about being left anywhere, and when we tried pre-school, it was a disaster. If that's something we continue to fight as he nears kindergarten, I'll delay going back to work even longer in order to homeschool him (and my daughter, if need be). But I miss working. When I read about working moms, I feel inferior.
Being a mom is very, very hard. Working moms and stay at home moms have the same struggles when it comes to parenting, and each have their own unique problems that the other group doesn't worry about. That's life, and having kids is worth it.
Still, though, I'm glad the kids don't give me performance reviews. Shiver.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
TV: The Devil's Work?
Okay, I don't really believe in the Devil, but that term works for the larger point here. There seem to be two kinds of people: Those who love TV and who use it as their main source of entertainment, and those who hate TV and believe it's the worst invention in the history of humankind and that we should all shun it in the interest of improving ourselves. Obviously these are generalizations, and there are people somewhere in-between these extremes. In fact, I probably fall somewhere in the middle, leaning towards the "TV is bad" camp."
When I was growing up, we didn't have cable for years. I had become accustomed to not really watching, and became a fan of reading as my favorite solitary activity. As an adult, I watched stuff, and liked it, but didn't care so much if I missed my favorite shows. There were little spurts of television obsessions (i.e. Macgyver, 90210, Buffy and The X-Files), but things like Reality TV just don't resonate with me. It seemed like shows were getting more and more stupid, to the point that I was only watching two things regularly: The news (which is a ridiculous joke that is barely useful for knowing current events in a well-rounded way) and House (oh, Hugh Laurie, you are so dreamy).
When the digital switch happened, my husband and I decided to stop watching TV altogether. We were using an antenna, and opted not to buy a digital converter box or get cable or a satellite dish. Mat's not a TV person-he's more of the "TV is the root of all evil" gang, and was thrilled to have it out of our lives. We were backed with countless research about the perils of letting children watch http://www.aap.org/family/smarttv.htm http://www.pbs.org/parents/childrenandmedia/article-faq.html and decided the TV would now exist solely for watching DVDs. Maybe someday a video game system, but we'll see.
In the world of DVR, a thousand satellite channels, and cocktail party chatter involving the latest American Idol cast-off, this makes us weirdos. Most people I know let their kids watch a ton of TV, and they themselves watch something (at least one show, usually more) every single day. I think the key to a healthy, balanced life is moderation, and I certainly don't think that the whole world should skip their favorite shows in favor of reading War and Peace (although I admit, in a mid-upper class, white, snobby sort of way I do believe that it would make us a lot smarter and more interesting).
Still, why can't people just cut back? I really don't know, and it's not my business, but it's something to think about. In the meantime, I catch new episodes of House on Hulu, http://www.hulu.com , I read my news online from various websites and blogs, and I rent the DVD collections of Weeds and Californication. I think I'll be just fine.
When I was growing up, we didn't have cable for years. I had become accustomed to not really watching, and became a fan of reading as my favorite solitary activity. As an adult, I watched stuff, and liked it, but didn't care so much if I missed my favorite shows. There were little spurts of television obsessions (i.e. Macgyver, 90210, Buffy and The X-Files), but things like Reality TV just don't resonate with me. It seemed like shows were getting more and more stupid, to the point that I was only watching two things regularly: The news (which is a ridiculous joke that is barely useful for knowing current events in a well-rounded way) and House (oh, Hugh Laurie, you are so dreamy).
When the digital switch happened, my husband and I decided to stop watching TV altogether. We were using an antenna, and opted not to buy a digital converter box or get cable or a satellite dish. Mat's not a TV person-he's more of the "TV is the root of all evil" gang, and was thrilled to have it out of our lives. We were backed with countless research about the perils of letting children watch http://www.aap.org/family/smarttv.htm http://www.pbs.org/parents/childrenandmedia/article-faq.html and decided the TV would now exist solely for watching DVDs. Maybe someday a video game system, but we'll see.
In the world of DVR, a thousand satellite channels, and cocktail party chatter involving the latest American Idol cast-off, this makes us weirdos. Most people I know let their kids watch a ton of TV, and they themselves watch something (at least one show, usually more) every single day. I think the key to a healthy, balanced life is moderation, and I certainly don't think that the whole world should skip their favorite shows in favor of reading War and Peace (although I admit, in a mid-upper class, white, snobby sort of way I do believe that it would make us a lot smarter and more interesting).
Still, why can't people just cut back? I really don't know, and it's not my business, but it's something to think about. In the meantime, I catch new episodes of House on Hulu, http://www.hulu.com , I read my news online from various websites and blogs, and I rent the DVD collections of Weeds and Californication. I think I'll be just fine.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Where's My Magical Weightloss Pill?
Today is weigh-in day for me. I do it first thing in the morning, and back when I started Weight Watchers, it was always an exciting time. The first 20 pounds really fell off, and it didn't take that much effort. I weighed more, so I had more points to eat per day (for those unfamiliar with WW, you attribute "points" to food, based on calories/fat/fiber content). As my weight dropped, I lost points, and that makes the program harder. Still, I was successful to the 28lb point, when I stalled.
I started on December 14th, so I'm 7 months into this thing. At 28lbs, I stopped seeing losses. Then, I gained one, lost it, gained it, lost it, etc. I finally dropped one more last week, so here I sit at 29lbs gone. Don't get me wrong-I feel amazing. I have so much more energy and patience. I've lost 2 clothing sizes (3 sizes in some brands), I'm so much more fit now that I workout 5-6 days a week. I'm stronger, more flexible and I know I look better. But, I'm still fat.
I hear about this new concept of your "happy weight" (sadly, it's not your weight when eating lots and lots of Happy Meals), the weight that you maintain when you're exercising regularly, eating a mostly healthy diet, and still enjoying your favorite treats. I like the thought, and I'm not obsessed with getting to a specific, very low weight. However, I seriously doubt that my current weight is a "happy" one. My BMI is still unhealthy, and I'm much bigger than I'm comfortable with.
It's a frustrating process, one that's teaching me to be patient, kind to myself, and not get so discouraged that I give up. I mean, I'm still almost 30lbs lighter than I was in December, and if I hadn't started this process, I'd be heading to 300lbs by now. I know slower weight loss is better, and going to quickly pretty much guarantees you'll gain it back again.
I did have a possible revelation in the shower, though...I use hair conditioner to shave, and it's a "thickening" product. Eureeka! That's it! My shaving product is thickening my legs and armpits, thereby causing weight gain. I'll switch to "smooth and sleek" and end up toned and hot by Christmas. Yep, that's the ticket.
I started on December 14th, so I'm 7 months into this thing. At 28lbs, I stopped seeing losses. Then, I gained one, lost it, gained it, lost it, etc. I finally dropped one more last week, so here I sit at 29lbs gone. Don't get me wrong-I feel amazing. I have so much more energy and patience. I've lost 2 clothing sizes (3 sizes in some brands), I'm so much more fit now that I workout 5-6 days a week. I'm stronger, more flexible and I know I look better. But, I'm still fat.
I hear about this new concept of your "happy weight" (sadly, it's not your weight when eating lots and lots of Happy Meals), the weight that you maintain when you're exercising regularly, eating a mostly healthy diet, and still enjoying your favorite treats. I like the thought, and I'm not obsessed with getting to a specific, very low weight. However, I seriously doubt that my current weight is a "happy" one. My BMI is still unhealthy, and I'm much bigger than I'm comfortable with.
It's a frustrating process, one that's teaching me to be patient, kind to myself, and not get so discouraged that I give up. I mean, I'm still almost 30lbs lighter than I was in December, and if I hadn't started this process, I'd be heading to 300lbs by now. I know slower weight loss is better, and going to quickly pretty much guarantees you'll gain it back again.
I did have a possible revelation in the shower, though...I use hair conditioner to shave, and it's a "thickening" product. Eureeka! That's it! My shaving product is thickening my legs and armpits, thereby causing weight gain. I'll switch to "smooth and sleek" and end up toned and hot by Christmas. Yep, that's the ticket.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
The Bra-Hunting Toddler
This afternoon, My 20 month old daughter took a very late nap. My mom was around to keep an eye on her for me, so my 3 year old son and I went to run a few errands. After suffering through the ridiculous WinCo during rush hour, we bought half of PetSmart for our little home zoo (a dog, two rats and a cat...that means: Giant bag of dog food that could feed a small nation, rat food that is pretty much high priced trail mix, and catnip so Spooky wouldn't feel left out). Since we had some time to kill before picking up my husband, we visited the nirvana known as Target.
Armed with the necessary provisions (popcorn combo and Starbucks. Good lord, I'm so white), we grabbed a few necessities. I saw that the bra section was loaded with awesome deals, and my weight loss has made it necessary for me to buy new bras every five minutes. As I looked, here's what happened:
Andy: What are you looking at, mommy?
Me: Bras
A: Who are bras for?
Me: For mommies
A: Do I need bras?
Me: No. You're a little boy, so you don't need one.
A: I'm a BIG BOY, mommy!!!!!
Me: Sorry, yes, you're a big boy, but even big boys don't need bras.
A: Why don't big boys need bras?
Me: Because you don't have boobs.
A: I DO HAVE BOOBS (this at full volume, no less)
Me: No, you really don't have boobs that need a bra.
Andy: Well, I'm getting some bras for myself!
He then proceeded to wander around with handfuls of bras. Yeah, that's my boy
Armed with the necessary provisions (popcorn combo and Starbucks. Good lord, I'm so white), we grabbed a few necessities. I saw that the bra section was loaded with awesome deals, and my weight loss has made it necessary for me to buy new bras every five minutes. As I looked, here's what happened:
Andy: What are you looking at, mommy?
Me: Bras
A: Who are bras for?
Me: For mommies
A: Do I need bras?
Me: No. You're a little boy, so you don't need one.
A: I'm a BIG BOY, mommy!!!!!
Me: Sorry, yes, you're a big boy, but even big boys don't need bras.
A: Why don't big boys need bras?
Me: Because you don't have boobs.
A: I DO HAVE BOOBS (this at full volume, no less)
Me: No, you really don't have boobs that need a bra.
Andy: Well, I'm getting some bras for myself!
He then proceeded to wander around with handfuls of bras. Yeah, that's my boy
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Healthcare Fury
My family has decent health insurance. It costs a fortune. Out of pocket, we pay a couple hundred dollars each month. My husband's employer pays nearly a thousand per month, for our family alone. On top of that, we have a $15 co-pay each time we visit a doctor. If it's an ER trip, it's a $100 co-pay. Additionally, our deductible for lab work is so high, that we pretty much pay for any blood or urine work that needs to be done. I'm wondering if pregnancy would blast through that deductible or not.
Recently I went in for my yearly exam, and the balance on that visit was around $35 after the insurance had paid (plus the co-pay, don't forget). My son had to go to the ER via ambulance, and then had a follow-up with his pediatrician on a weekend. The balance on the ambulance is $180 (it was a NINE HUNDRED dollar ride, for fuck's sake. They drove us two miles), the ER balance is $12, the pediatrician balance is another $15. These are all costs above what we already pay each month. I break into a cold sweat when I think about what would have happened if we were uninsured. Medical bills are the number one reason people file for bankruptcy, though those bills are not discharged by bankruptcy judges.
Our current system does not work. It's corrupt, it's a monopoly, it rips you off and provides sub-standard care. Yet people bitch and moan about Obama's health care plan.
http://www.barackobama.com/pdf/issues/HealthCareFullPlan.pdf
Guess what, folks, healthy competition amongst private healthcare is a must (and "the American way"). The truth is, healthcare is a right that every single American deserves, not some nice little side benefit that only the wealthy should enjoy. There should be good quality care that is affordable or free to anyone not covered at work, or who can't afford their portion of the payments each month. We should be able to pick and choose between carriers, and make them compete for our business the way that our cell phone companies and credit card companies do. They should be begging us to use their plan, not the other way around.
When my husband switched jobs a couple of years ago, we had a young toddler and I was pregnant. We were forced to buy COBRA, since there was a 3 month gap before our new insurance kicked in. It was $1200/month for our family of 3. It was, literally, painful each month to send off a check. Obama's corrected that problem, and the government now subsidizes COBRA payments (it works out to around $300 for families and $150 for singles) to a more acceptable level.
I really wonder about people who don't think healthcare should be a top priority. The whole system will come crashing down soon enough if it's not fixed. Or, we can just ignore the whole mess the way the Bush Administration ignored the economy and corrupt Wall Street...Oh, wait, that didn't work out so well, did it?
Recently I went in for my yearly exam, and the balance on that visit was around $35 after the insurance had paid (plus the co-pay, don't forget). My son had to go to the ER via ambulance, and then had a follow-up with his pediatrician on a weekend. The balance on the ambulance is $180 (it was a NINE HUNDRED dollar ride, for fuck's sake. They drove us two miles), the ER balance is $12, the pediatrician balance is another $15. These are all costs above what we already pay each month. I break into a cold sweat when I think about what would have happened if we were uninsured. Medical bills are the number one reason people file for bankruptcy, though those bills are not discharged by bankruptcy judges.
Our current system does not work. It's corrupt, it's a monopoly, it rips you off and provides sub-standard care. Yet people bitch and moan about Obama's health care plan.
http://www.barackobama.com/pdf/issues/HealthCareFullPlan.pdf
Guess what, folks, healthy competition amongst private healthcare is a must (and "the American way"). The truth is, healthcare is a right that every single American deserves, not some nice little side benefit that only the wealthy should enjoy. There should be good quality care that is affordable or free to anyone not covered at work, or who can't afford their portion of the payments each month. We should be able to pick and choose between carriers, and make them compete for our business the way that our cell phone companies and credit card companies do. They should be begging us to use their plan, not the other way around.
When my husband switched jobs a couple of years ago, we had a young toddler and I was pregnant. We were forced to buy COBRA, since there was a 3 month gap before our new insurance kicked in. It was $1200/month for our family of 3. It was, literally, painful each month to send off a check. Obama's corrected that problem, and the government now subsidizes COBRA payments (it works out to around $300 for families and $150 for singles) to a more acceptable level.
I really wonder about people who don't think healthcare should be a top priority. The whole system will come crashing down soon enough if it's not fixed. Or, we can just ignore the whole mess the way the Bush Administration ignored the economy and corrupt Wall Street...Oh, wait, that didn't work out so well, did it?
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
I started this blog, finally, after reading some friends' (and strangers') funny musings. Here I am, ready to write, and I keep getting interrupted: "I want something, mommy!" "I pooped again, mommy!" "Mommy, Lauren fell down." I remember when I was in college, and the only interruptions to my writing and research were my own..."Hmm, I should totally write this paper, but look at what's on TV." "Look who's playing at the bar down the street." "Look at this pretty shiny object on the floor!"
It comes with the mommyhood territory, but is still incredibly frustrating. Save my writing for later when the kids are asleep? Yeah, but that's my time with the husband and for reading and for relaxing with a movie and cup of tea (okay, glass of wine. Or three). It'll happen when it happens, I suppose, but after 3 years of children, I still haven't gotten used to it.
At my core I'm a solitary person. Mat's the only one I really like being around for long periods of time, yet we're apart for most of the day. Having little people, who are completely dependent on me, is a new challenge that I work at every second of every hour of every day. I'm not proficient yet.
I'm taking time for myself these days. Since December, when I joined Weight Watchers, I've lost 29lbs (slow, I know. I've stalled for the last month and a half due to laziness). I work out nearly everyday now, a rotating schedule of workout DVDs that involve pilates, cardio/strength intervals, dance cardio (Zumba and Jazzercise, mainly), kickboxing and yoga. I eat my fruits and veggies and limit the junk. I feel amazing, more energetic, fit and healthy than I ever remember feeling. It calms my nerves and lets me handle the kids with a little more ease. Yet something's missing.
I miss school. I'd planned for years to return for my Master's in something...anything...possibly Public Health or Counseling. Yet it hasn't happened. I already have a shitload of student loan debt, and don't want to take on even more. But my brain-it slowly rots away in my head as more time goes by and I use it for things like: breaking up toddler fights, thinking of funny little rhymes and songs for little people to enjoy, sitting in the kiddie pool, watching Leap Frog DVDs incessantly and not getting enough sleep.
This is for me, and I need the time to devote to it. I also need to: read more books that I enjoy, read the world news to be informed, follow the Obama administration's clean-up of W's fuck-ups, talk to my husband, visit with my friends and walk the dog.
For now, I'll let the little ones eat some Cheetos so I can have just a few more minutes to type.
It comes with the mommyhood territory, but is still incredibly frustrating. Save my writing for later when the kids are asleep? Yeah, but that's my time with the husband and for reading and for relaxing with a movie and cup of tea (okay, glass of wine. Or three). It'll happen when it happens, I suppose, but after 3 years of children, I still haven't gotten used to it.
At my core I'm a solitary person. Mat's the only one I really like being around for long periods of time, yet we're apart for most of the day. Having little people, who are completely dependent on me, is a new challenge that I work at every second of every hour of every day. I'm not proficient yet.
I'm taking time for myself these days. Since December, when I joined Weight Watchers, I've lost 29lbs (slow, I know. I've stalled for the last month and a half due to laziness). I work out nearly everyday now, a rotating schedule of workout DVDs that involve pilates, cardio/strength intervals, dance cardio (Zumba and Jazzercise, mainly), kickboxing and yoga. I eat my fruits and veggies and limit the junk. I feel amazing, more energetic, fit and healthy than I ever remember feeling. It calms my nerves and lets me handle the kids with a little more ease. Yet something's missing.
I miss school. I'd planned for years to return for my Master's in something...anything...possibly Public Health or Counseling. Yet it hasn't happened. I already have a shitload of student loan debt, and don't want to take on even more. But my brain-it slowly rots away in my head as more time goes by and I use it for things like: breaking up toddler fights, thinking of funny little rhymes and songs for little people to enjoy, sitting in the kiddie pool, watching Leap Frog DVDs incessantly and not getting enough sleep.
This is for me, and I need the time to devote to it. I also need to: read more books that I enjoy, read the world news to be informed, follow the Obama administration's clean-up of W's fuck-ups, talk to my husband, visit with my friends and walk the dog.
For now, I'll let the little ones eat some Cheetos so I can have just a few more minutes to type.
We All Have To Start Somewhere
I am an online maniac. I met my husband online. We bought our house online. I help organize a playgroup online. I work on shrinking my fat ass through an online program. It's my favorite way to interact with large groups of people and learn about the world.
I participate in message boards, I shop, I read, I laugh and cry. I blog about my family and read other blogs written by amazing, smart people. Why not start one of my own?
Here I go...Let me go on and on about my life; husband and kids, finding mama friends, eating and drinking, reading, working out, losing weight, learning how to be better.
Welcome!
I participate in message boards, I shop, I read, I laugh and cry. I blog about my family and read other blogs written by amazing, smart people. Why not start one of my own?
Here I go...Let me go on and on about my life; husband and kids, finding mama friends, eating and drinking, reading, working out, losing weight, learning how to be better.
Welcome!
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